Some Thoughts if Your Man is Away
“A Friend loves at all time and a girlfriend is born for adversity” Proverbs 17:17. I know that isn’t exactly what it says, but I think in our case “girlfriend” is more meaningful than “brother”! God reminded me of that verse as my husband departed at extremely short notice to go on an Exercise early which then rolled into a deployment to East Timor. I immediately thought of the last time Mick was in East Timor and the beautiful friends He gave me to love me and our (then) 3 daughters. The friendships which were forged are so strong. It was those women who were among the first to make contact with me when they discovered that Mick had gone to Timor again. While they are now 1000’s of kms away their friendships are just as valuable. I was privileged to be able to speak at the first brief for families that 3RAR held to explain to families what was happening. The above verse was really on my heart, through times of adversity we need girlfriends, we need to have those friends who will love us no matter what and who will walk alongside us and share our load. The following is a little of what I shared with the ladies. I believe the message came from the heart of God and is so useful to all of us during the times when our husbands are away, whether it be for deployments or other reasons.
The message consisted of 5 points (easy to remember as I have 5 children!).
1. It’s okay to cry. Women, God created us as emotional human beings, we are relationship oriented and we should have soft hearts. Don’t harden your heart, allow yourselves to feel sad and to cry. That does not mean that you aren’t coping or that you are suffering from a major mental illness, it just means that you are sad and that is okay. A good cry often makes us feel a lot better doesn’t it?
2. Keep yourselves busy. Plan things to look forward to, especially on the weekends which seem to be the hardest for most of the women that I talk to. Planning takes a bit of work, but reaps great rewards. Now, I can add in here for you Christian women, use the time to get closer to God. Spend more time in prayer, read a few more books, do a bible study of women in the bible, do something that you never seem to get time for when your husband is at home and that will fill in those long nights.
3. Make sure you have a girlfriend. This is where our verse comes in! We need each other. We need the body of Christ to love us and support us. I expressed my desire to ensure that every woman at the meeting did have a girlfriend…whether it be another army wife, a civilian friend, a sister or a mother. One lady did not have that friend, she was newly married and new to military life. Do you know what was beautiful? As I mentioned this lady to a couple of Christian women in the battalion both immediately offered to be her friend, to love her and be a blessing to her. Isn’t that awesome?!
4. Build each other up and encourage one another. Not only do we need a girlfriend but we also need to be a girlfriend. Reaching out to others and being a blessing is a wonderful spiritual principal. It stops us looking inwards and feeling “down” and it helps someone else. I encouraged the ladies to call one another and encourage one another, lift one another up and care for one another. As wonderful as the organisations are that support defence, often what we really need is just another person to give us a word of encouragement and to listen.
5. Finally, I reminded the ladies not to gossip. If they had a problem or it appeared that others were receiving benefits that they were not, I reminded them to call the unit and ask for clarification. Mostly there is a simple explanation. Gossip never helps a situation. As women, we are prone to fall into the trap of gossiping and as Christians we should constantly be reminding ourselves that this is not Godly behaviour. Gossip pulls down and negates the good work of encouragement.
I hope that these points are helpful and a useful reminder for you in your role as a Christian military wife!